It is important, in real life, to understand, not only that it is possible to do MANY things you might think are very difficult. That you can push yourself beyond what you thought you were capable of. It is also important to know when to stop. To know when you are way beyond what is possible for you. Not everyone is good at everything, and valuing what we are good at means we also have to value ourselves despite the things we are not good at.
I am good at cooking the things I can cook, and applying that to similar things. I am good at keeping going, when other people might not. I am good at keeping secrets. I can understand some things well. I can do lots of things.
Maintaining a relationship is not one of those things. Whether it be a romantic relationship, or a friendship, maintaining such a thing is not a skill I possess. I do not have the reason or excuse that my son has, but I also cannot help him learn skills to help him in this regard, because I do not have them.
I like to imagine that I USED to have such skills, but, in reality, it is possible that, it was circumstance rather than skill that makes me think this.
It is possible then, that the hopes I kept to myself for building and rebuilding closeness, and the dreams I had around that, were more deluded than I might choose to admit. This is OK. It is a useful reminder that as a Bipolar person, it is important to weigh and question all hopes and big plans. From all sides. Sometimes, that means giving up a hope, or a plan. Because, not EVERYTHING is achievable for EVERYONE. And that has to be OK.
Maybe that I don’t understand people, maybe that I am deeply unreasonable, and, in that case, I have to take advice and make sure my children are exposed to much more reasoned and connected people. Which is achievable. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. Even when that knowledge is knowing what you don’t know. it is huge progress to know what you don’t know, and also to be willing to outsource education in those arenas. It is after all, why most people send their children to school. Because, we can’t teach them everything ourselves.
It is, of course, always difficult to let go of dearly held hopes and dreams. But, knowing which to chase and which to let go, that’s the trick to being happy.
Even if I can’t feel that right now. That’s also always true when you are very close to the situation.
In other news, I have found a school that *could* be what the older small person needs. it is a source of great frustration to me, that access to something as important as SUITABLE education has to be decided by cost, by the having or not having of money. Education should not be dependent on such.
Exceptionally Normal 
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